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Post by Sanji Watsuki on Nov 21, 2006 21:39:59 GMT -5
Rather than just ripping off random fads in forums I'll just alter another one!
Today we'll be randomly making a scouting report for a fictional person. Feel free to contradict yourself and be overall unserious or not even baseball related. Just continue describing the player ad nauseum.
Jim is an excellent batter. He can never keep his eye on the ball but when he smashes it cork normally flies everywhere. He is excellent at air guitar and holds a team record for longest distance spitting in the batter's box. He also...
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Post by Sanji Watsuki on Nov 21, 2006 21:59:02 GMT -5
helped an old lady across the street. Jim also has the nerdiest batting stance since Craig Counsell and wears a dorky pair of glasses. He also is the only player in the MLB to wear a pocket protector to the plate. He always wears a baseball hat even when in the dugout because he had brain cancer while in college. It is said that John often said, "I knew a guy back in college who always wore a baseball hat." whereas Jim would say, "That was me." but he denies it. He also stolen 50 bases while in High School and was arrested by the local authorities.
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Post by Sanji Watsuki on Nov 21, 2006 22:03:50 GMT -5
Jim's brother, Alou Moisttowelette, made it big as a career minor leaguer, who in his best year was healthy enough to play 25 games. His uncle, Sitonme Ponson, was voted as "Most Jiggly Pitcher" in 2006's recent All-Star game. Jim was drafted in the 63rd round and nothing was expected out of him but he quickly jumped through the minor leagues, ending up in Rookie Ball after his first 4 years. Jim has been known to throw 100 mph fastballs and a high 90's slider but always has a good year then a bad year then a good year then a bad year.
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Post by Sanji Watsuki on Nov 21, 2006 22:05:49 GMT -5
As a reliever, Jim has drawn comparisons to Ronald Reagan and Scot Shields. His willingness to throw a knuckleball, a splitter, a gyroball, and the beanball has drawn him comparisons to the star Roger "Old" Clemens. Noted for his extreme endurance as a starter he was converted to middle reliever in 2005. This move was done to help his control but his BB/9 jumped to 9. They refuse to return him to being a starter because it would mess up his control.
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Post by Sanji Watsuki on Nov 21, 2006 22:08:29 GMT -5
Yes, I'm randomly replying to myself.
As a starter, Jim is a power pitcher without power stuff. His fastball ranges from 75 to 88 miles per hour although he has been known to throw higher than 100 as closer for the GCL Angels. Redding signed a minor league contract with the Chicago White Sox in 2006 and was assigned to their AAA affiliate, the Charlotte Knights. He became a key component of the Knights' pitching rotation, finishing the 2006 season with a 18-3 record and 1.40 ERA in 30 appearances. This earned him a demotion to AA as a middle reliever where he stays today. Fans hope that he'll break out in 2009 as a backup outfielder.
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Post by Sanji Watsuki on Nov 21, 2006 22:12:10 GMT -5
In a surprising move, he was called up in June 2007 as a left-handed reliever for the Boston Red Sox, despite being one of the 1,314,094 minor leaguers that the Nationals signed. They couldn't keep track of all of their minor leaguers so the Red Sox took him. He allowed six earned runs in 1 innings and was quickly designated for assignment to make room for Felix Heredia. Heredia was quickly designed for assignment to have him redesign Pesky's pole. Jim then took up his air guitar career, had a single hit album, then returned to stardom in the MLB as a corner outfielder for the New York Yankees.
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sublime
Graduating Newbie
[M:300000]
Posts: 150
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Post by sublime on Nov 21, 2006 22:12:38 GMT -5
you've got some imagination there sanji
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Post by Sanji Watsuki on Nov 21, 2006 22:17:55 GMT -5
Will: be a ballboy
Can't: stop using the cork and juice
Expect: Air Guitar
Don't Expect: Real Guitar Skills
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Post by TheJay on Nov 22, 2006 0:05:33 GMT -5
Jim creatively took "corner outfielder" to mean he acts as a ballboy, sitting on a folding chair in front of the lower outfield box seats waiting for a single foul ball to come his way so he can fend off the catcalls and shrill, drunken hubbub to come up with the ball. While waiting for such an event, Jim often wistfully recalls the days when he himself would be the one to initiate the action, the play, that oh so holy part of American sporting culture. As he sits in his baseball hat with his pocket wholly protected, wearing the same pair of glasses he's had since 1993 (even the scratches are vintage at this point), a single, stoic tear runs down his cheek, destined to replicate his fall from greatness to lie in rest amid a clump of dirt.
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