Official Trade News Headline Topic

[Sanji Watsuki]

Vlad Meets the Mets

Prospect Philip Humber, outfielder Endy Chavez, and veteran relief pitcher Darren Oliver have been shifted over to the other side of the country for Vladimir Guerrero. "How do you get a name like Vladimir from the Dominican Republic?" asks Angels GM Sanji Watsuki. "i think i got a great deal, one of the best Outfeilders in the game for some players i didnt need," says Mets GM MetsGM88.

Aneheim Big 3 Leave For Beantown

Three of Aneheim's biggest chips, Howie Kendrick, Brandon Wood, and Jered Weaver are going to Boston, who hope to make a playoff run. Manny Ramirez, Kevin Youkilluswithlaughter, Jeff Corsaletti, Alejandro Machado, Randy Beam, Jon Lester, and 12 million big ones follow. "I didn't need them, I didn't need what I got," says Angels GM Sanji Watsuki. "All I need is money CHA-CHING!" Machado said, "I am macho."

Luis Gonzales To Arizona, Confusion Ensues

Matt Kemp is totally unrelated to Matt Hemp, the hemp seller.

Prospects Dustin Nippert and Justin Upton left Arizona to bring in confusion RP Luis Gonzales, Matt Kemp, and 2 million smackers. "Heh," says D-Backs GM TheJay. "No one involved... it was awful." Many fans already thought Luis Gonzales was on the team. "Trading for their own player," one said. "Those GMs are ridiculous. And TheJay sounds homicidal."

Yes, I love cutting up quotes

[TheJay]

Sounds?

Jered Weaver looks like Kevin Bacon in that picture.

[Sanji Watsuki]

"The Franchise" Moves to Detroit

Detroit sent Marcus Thames, Humberto Sanchez, and Wilfredo Ledezma to Minnesota for Francisco Liriano and Anthony Swarzak. "The Franchise" said, "I thought I could get more value." The International Scrouge said, "Bah Humburto."

Andy Mart Opens in Los Angeles

The Cleveland Indians traded the rights to the Andy Mart to the Los Angeles Dodgers who opened shop at Starting 3B Street. Wilson Betemit was thrown into the deal. "I take you to the Andy Mart," said Andy Marte. He continued to shout off vulgarities.

Ervin Santana Makes Yankees Pull a Steinbrunner

Ervin Santana decided on his own accord to move to New York. New York freaked and sent Milky Shake, Darrell Raspberry, Aaron Small-Sized Fries, Jorge DePork, and Jeffrey Kart-of-goodies. It is said that Sidney Ponson, from Boston, ate up all of them on their way there.

Jeff Proves MathIs Fun

Chris Duncan + Scott Spiezio == Endy Chavez + Orlando Cabrera + Jeff MathIsFun + Jose Arrelaxdontdoit + Nick AddInHeart + 4,000,000. "It makes mathematical sense," says Jeff MathIsFun.

[Sanji Watsuki]

Micah Ownings Wins Gaming Competition in San Diego, Earns Trade

Micah "Ownings" Owings was traded to San Diego shortly after winning a Quake gaming competition. Shawn Estes and Matt Antonelli were sent to greet him and were stolen by Arizona's "lawyers." "if it wasn't for the lawyers, the trade wouldn't have needed to involve lawyers. really, i don't know what they were doing there. but one of them's got a kid who adores Estes. come to think of it, i guess that answers my question of how HE got here," says Arizona GM TheJay. "No one involved..."

Superhero Anthony Reyes Traded for Catcher Who Can't Hit

Famed St. Louis Superhero Anthony Reyes fought crime for his entire life and they have now traded him to Seattle. "I can't believe them," he was quoted to say. "I'm going to give up more than a home run an outing now for them." He did so and was demoted. Superhero or not, HRs are bad for the scoreboard. His ERA was still lighter than Sidney Ponson.

Pork Linds Company Bought Out by OverPaying Jays

The Garden State (New Jersey) Jays (Toronto) bought out the Pork "Adam" Linds company. They were famous for their "Pork Linds" flavored pork rinds. They were very popular in Japan because they couldn't distinguish the difference between Pork Rinds and Pork Linds. Juan Encarnacion was also captured by Arizona's lawyers but was later released because his OBA was .305

[Sanji Watsuki]

MiLB Player Has Weird Name, Speed Freak Runs From St.Louis to Seattle

The court ruled that Wladimir Balentien's name should be Vladimir Valentine.

Wladimir Balentien, a minor league ball player, was ruled to have a weird name by the supreme court. He has a maximum sentence of 100 hours community service. Also, Colby Rasmus, another MiLB player, used his 97 speed to run from St. Louis to Seattle as part of fundraiser. He was stolen by Arizona's lawyers and was later released to the Seattle police.

Trade "Flores" the "League"

Alex Rios and Brandon League won't be playing for the Garden State (New Jersey) Jays (Toronto) anymore. The Mets sent Jesus Flores, Oliver Perez, Mike Pelfrey, and Emmanuel Garcia. Alex Rios said, "Fear my 100 fielding."

The Hunted Become the Hunter

In the recent box office success, "Torii Hunter: I Have Six Golden Gloves", Torii Hunter became a national hero in telling how his gloves are better than your gloves. Angered by the movie, Arizona's lawyers took legal action, and demanded that Torii Hunter leave Minnesota. The court ruled in their favor and Jim Edmonds, Mark Mulder, Tyler Greene, and Adam Wainwright said, "Nay!". Hunter got in a fight with them, clipped Johan Santana's beard-stache and he got PO'd and had Jason Kubel kick Hunter into St. Louis. St. Louis then tossed 5 million dollars at Santana and Kubel and they flew into St. Louis as well.

[Sanji Watsuki]

Experimental Beam Transportation Goes Horribly Wrong

T.J. Beam, inventor of the Beam Train, took Tanyon Sturtze for a ride. Sturtze's train took a wrong turn and fell into Atlanta. He claimed he did it so it would free up a roster space for him. Joey Devine was suddenly found dressed as a hobo inside of the train when it returned. New York's lawyers stole him.

Giant Cockroach Attacks New Jersey and Toronto

LaRoche and a floating bat duel in a mortal combat.

Adam LaRoche, the cockroach, attacked the Garden State (New Jersey) Jays (Toronto). Reed Johnson was the first to reach the scene and he proceeded to put up career high numbers. Godzilla sued LaRoche for copywrite infringement and is currently going to court in New Jersey, Toronto. Reed Johnson currently resides in a hospital in Atlanta.

Huge Contract Stolen by Cardinals, Atlanta Rejoices

Officials have ruled Hampton's contract not as bad as Alfonso Soriano's 8 year contract.

St. Louis recently stole Mike Hampton's contract and Atlanta rejoiced. "We hated that huge contract," says an Atlanta native. Officials identified the Cards with their dropped Jeff Suppan. The Braves have taken Suppan into custody and are making him pitch.

[Sanji Watsuki]

Shawn Mark'em Markers Recalled

Marcum is known to eat apples on the mound

In a recent business trade the Gustavo Chachings, Oliver Perez, Shawn Marcum markers, and Floss of Troy were all bought out by the Phillies. Sequentially, Pat Burrell, Aaron Rowand, and Jimmy "Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'" Rollins were bought out by the Garden State (New Jersey) Jays (Toronto).

Rowand Turned Down for Harry Potter's Wand Role

Rowand after a failed attempt to become a boxer.

Garden State (New Jersey) was surprised to see the role of Harry Potter's Wand go to Marcus Giles, who doesn't even remotely look like a wang. Giles reasoned, "I am far more magical than Rowand. I mean, I went to an all-star game." Rowand then used his magical powers to switch places with Giles. Now Rowand is on the Braves, and Giles is in Garden State (New Jersey). The Jays (Toronto) were not pleased.

Queen Sues Tom Gordon

Flash Gordon is the anti-Michael Jackson. He turned from white to black.

Flash - Ah - Saviour of the universe
Flash - Ah - He'll save ev'ry one of us

(I just couldn't think of anything to say.)

St. Louis Trades Trash for Bengie Molina

Random Fact: Bengie Molina cannot watch a love movie without crying.

Garrett Anderson's hilarious contract, Yadier Molina's nonexistant bat, and Ricardo Rincon's 21 saves over 10 years were traded to the Garden State (New Jersey) Jays (Toronto) for Pat Burrell and Bengie Molina. Molina got mad and put up career highes in HRs.

[giantsrule1234]

haha this is awsome
and yea benjie molina did do really goood